- Malavika
Intern, Mind Splatters, July-Aug 2023
We’re generally taught to avoid conflicts as much as possible to have happy relationships. However, this is not the truth. Avoiding conflicts does not resolve them; rather, you end up with increased hostility towards the other person. On the other hand, we’ve all had conflicts that got out of control, which ended up harming our relationship badly. Conflicts are an unavoidable reality in all relationships from time to time, but they don’t have to be unsurmountable mountains. Once we learn to successfully navigate conflict healthily, our relationships become much stronger and deeper than before.
Whether they stem from differing opinions, contrasting personalities, or competing interests, conflicts are a natural part of life. It’s the way we handle conflict that determines the well-being of our relationships. Let's explore the art of healthy conflict resolution, along with actionable tips to navigate disagreements while fostering understanding and empathy.
First, you must reflect and identify what exactly you’re feeling and what you’re upset about. While this may seem obvious, often we’re out of touch with our feelings and fail to properly identify what exactly triggered us about the other person’s behaviour. This knowledge is essential to resolving the conflict effectively. To deal with any conflict well, it is necessary to build a safe space where open communication is promoted. This ensures that all those involved feel comfortable sharing their views, opinions, and feelings openly. Active listening is the key component here. It’s important that the other person feels heard and understood to move forward. Choosing the right place and time can be beneficial, as tackling sensitive topics when emotions are running high can be difficult.
Focus on the issue, not the person, is the most crucial component of healthy conflict resolution. Separate the problem from the person. Assertively communicate your needs and feelings so that they’re properly understood. Focussing on the issue at hand rather than making personal attacks or judgements about the person is very important. Practising empathy is extremely important in relationships. Have an open mind to understand where the other person is coming from and see things from their perspective even if it’s different from that of yours.
Focusing on coming up with a suitable solution should take centre stage in a healthy conflict rather than assigning blame. When speaking use ‘I’ statements to not sound accusatory. For example, rather than saying “You hurt me”, you can say “I felt hurt”. This encourages open communication without anyone getting defensive and shutting down. If emotions are very high during the conflict it’s always okay to communicate the need for space to cool off and think. Often in conflicts, there rises a feeling of urgency for immediate resolution but we don’t need to force conflict resolution when we’re emotionally not in a place to resolve it. It’s better to take a break and return to the discussion with a clearer mind.
Apologizing when needed is integral for healthy conflict resolution. Take responsibility for your actions and also hold the other person accountable for theirs. Likewise, being willing to forgive is also necessary. When searching for a solution to the problem, approach it from a win-win mindset which encourages looking for a solution that ensures both parties’ wants and needs are met mutually. Compromise is essential in any relationship, especially during conflict. Rather than remaining rigid in your views of how things should go, be open to flexibility and new solutions where the ultimate goal is mutual satisfaction.
It’s important to keep in mind that when confronted with challenging friends or family members, implementing certain boundaries and recognizing the other party's limitations can be beneficial. It might be wise to introduce some space in the relationship or sever ties altogether if the conflict is ongoing and taking a toll on your well-being.
Embracing healthy conflict resolution is not about avoiding disagreements but rather about approaching them openly with empathy and willingness. By cultivating these skills, we can transform conflicts into opportunities for growth and understanding.
This is such an important and helpful guide!